Recently my friend Julie wrote a post about questions her 4 year old daughter was asking. I was glad to see that I was not alone in dealing with such big questions from my little girl. It got me thinking...
I am not expert on talking to children and like most I struggle finding answers to deep questions from innocent minds. Taylor has been working through the different relationships (mom, dad, grandparents, siblings, etc.) and has asked several times about my "Papaws" and Daddy's "Papaw and Memaws". To Taylor everyone has a Papaw. My first approach to answering her questions was to be very upbeat and tell her with a smile that they were in heaven with Jesus. ***I try to be upbeat b/c it is not a sad thing that they are in heaven. Yes, I miss them and wish they had not left, but honestly they are in the better place and I am sure they would rather be there than here.*** She accepted my answer for a while.
Just recently she started asking why are they in heaven? Just last night I told her that they got sick so bad that Jesus took them to heaven so he could hold them and make them feel better. She seemed to really like that.
Then she asked the dreaded question "Why can't I see them?" She wanted to know why they couldn't come back when they were all better. I told her that was a very big question for such a little girl. She tilted her head like a little puppy does and gave me a very confused look. I explained that when she was bigger I would help her understand, but for now she needed to let me carry that question for her and to trust me to protect her. Again she gave me a funny look but said "ok mommy, when I am big like you then I will know too". So for the moment she is satisfied.
Am I wrong in wanting to keep her innocent and unafraid? I know there is plenty of time for her to be big and overwhelmed with Life and Death, but right now she doesn't need to be sad about it or worry about it. Her biggest worry should be "Do I get to go to the Park today?"
Our Loved ones who have traveled home have been gone for years, some many years. We grieved over their loss for a long time and still occasionally tear up at the thought. Mostly we smile and laugh as we reminisce the times we shared. My babies don't need to mourn their loss b/c they never had them to lose. I want them to know those loved ones through the happy memories that we share.
One day (always too soon) Taylor and Mac will experience the hurt that Death brings and I hope that will we have prepared them for deaIing with it when the time comes. But for now, I hope they will let me carry that burden for them a little while longer.
Have your children asked these questions? Have they lost a loved one at such a young age? How did you approach it with them? What did they say?
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